and for the little baby, mama...

We have been doing Easter prayers everyday with the boys during the Lenten season (I promise to write more about this as time permits), so last night, after talking about the meaning of Good Friday, I said to Emmanuel and Reese....

"Jesus died on the cross for a little boy named Reesie...and a little boy named Emmanuel...a big girl named Carmen...and big boy named Eli...and everybody else in the whole wide world!"

Emmanuel looked at me with those huge chocolate eyes and said, "Mama...Jesus died for the little baby in your tummy, too!"  Holding back tears, I hugged his neck and I said, yes, sweet angel, Jesus died for the little baby in my tummy, too.  

Amen.

Boys and Mud...

It's no secret that I am clueless about raising boys.

I'm the mom who checks out all of the books about raising boys from the library because I have no idea what I am doing.  I'm the mom who gets together with her mom friends who also have boys and we exchange stories and ideas and laugh out loud at the crazy things that our little men do.  "Oh, your child has a black eye, too...how did he get that?"  When I say that parenting these two boys is an adventure...that is quite the understatement.  This is a journey of a lifetime...better than any reality TV show...better than any stand-up comedy show...even better than one of those crazy competition shows like Wipeout...there is never a dull moment!  This real life journey is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced (and the most exhausting!)

I will set this up as simply as I know how...

There was a GIGANTIC hole in our yard.  It rained.  It became a mud pit.  (Please insert what you think Emmanuel and Reese did when they discovered the mud pit.  Now think about how their very clean and organized mom reacted.  Now laugh out loud.)

Big hole...

Two curious little boys...

A hot mess from head to toe!

A ton of fun...

I knew this day was coming.  When they go to my mom's house, they spend the entire time outside...when I come back to get them, they are covered from head to toe in dirt.  They stink.  Their little fingernails are disgusting.  Their hair is filled with nastiness.  But, they are as happy as I've ever seen them.  So, I've gotten lots of preparation.  I knew that eventually I would see this day....that's why I had to capture their little craziness on camera.

They didn't care about anything else in the world.  They were thrilled to be in that mud.  They kept running and jumping in the puddle.  Our neighbors came out to watch (which made them jump even higher because they had an audience).  They were smiling from ear to ear.  I couldn't do anything but smile hard myself.

I'm so thankful that I was able to capture this moment...and I'm also thankful for the wonderful bath they took immediately afterwards...

and for the wonderful men who came and filled the hole the next day!

What's in a Name?

I asked Reese, our 20 month old, about his name about a week ago.  The conversation went like this:

Me:  "What's your name, little boy?"
Reese:  "ELI!"
Me:  (Laughing hysterically):  "Eli is your daddy's name.  What's YOUR name?"
Reese:  "ELI!"
Me:  Ok, Reese, what is YOUR name?
Reese:  "Reesie Pooh!"

The next day...
Me:  "What's your name, little boy?"
Reese:  "ELI!"
Me:  "You're not Eli, MY name is Eli."
Reese:  "Your name is Carmen.  Hi, Carmen (imagine a very slow, southern drawl here)."
Me:  "WHAT?  How do you know my name?"
Reese:  "Carmen, Carmen, Carmen...."

A few days after that...
Me:  "What's your brother's name?"
Reese:  "Fireman Sam and the Hulk"
Emmanuel:  "That's right!"
Me:  "Then, Reese, who are you?"
Reese:  "The Chief."

Of course, baby boy, how did I forget?  You are the Chief.

The Cat's Outta the Bag

I'm pretty certain that it doesn't take most people 20 weeks to disclose to their family and friends that they are expecting.  Yes, you read it.  20 weeks.

When I found out I was pregnant with this sweet little baby, I was more than overwhelmed.  In our little minds, we were finished having children.  We were perfectly content with our energetic little boys in our three bedroom house (where everyone has their own space) and our big green minivan.  We were a family of four...and we were proud and happy.  We talked it over and prayed about it and decided that we should stay a family of four.  So, we started giving away maternity clothes and baby stuff--bye, bye, crib...farewell Jumperoo, adios maternity and baby boy clothes!  What freedom!  We were moving into a time when I wouldn't have to carry a diaper bag that weighed 20 pounds...I wouldn't have to puree baby food anymore...and breast-fed baby blowouts would be a thing of the past.  We were so certain that this was it, that we even took permanent measures to keep our family a family of four (speculate all you want...I can't put all of our business out there).  And, it became official, we would be a family of four.

Or so we thought.

I was sick.  Really sick.  I was tired.  Beyond exhaustion.  My tummy was bloated.  I was convinced that I had some type of illness.  Why would I feel this way day after day?  No medicine helped.  No amount of sleep helped me to recover.  I was feeling so miserable.

And, then, I found out...I was pregnant.  Pregnant?  Again?  No way.  This isn't possible.  We don't have any more baby stuff...we only have three bedrooms...our budget is already stretched to the max so that I can stay at home with the boys...oh my Gosh...I've been so prideful and told everyone that we were only having two children...I said that my uterus was closed...

My OB laughed at me when I came in for my first visit.  And she reminded me that there was a slim-to- none possibility to conceive after what we did...and well, we conceived.  So, yes, this baby is a surprise...but she is also a miracle.  She is also a reminder that God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts...He has a perfect plan, even if it doesn't fit with our plan, His plan is better...His ways are better...His ways are perfect.

And, so, in July right around the time Reese turns 2 and Emmanuel turns 4, a baby girl will be welcomed into our family.

She already has her daddy wrapped around her finger.  She already has sweet friends of mine buying her pink and purple outfits.  She's already been engraved onto the palms of Her Savior.

So, next time you are in the grocery store, and you see that mom who looks frazzled because her 4-year-old is ready to go, her 2-year-old is peeing in aisle 5, and her newborn is screaming because it's naptime, please think of me and say a prayer...because our ride is about to get really, really interesting.

Charmed

Emmanuel is a little charmer.

He says hi to everybody in the grocery store (and they know both boys by name).  He has sweet little conversations with his friend, Jamiya.  At her birthday party, he said, "Happy Birthday, Jamiya....I mean, Princess."
But, he's the worst with me.

These days he says things like this to me:

After eating breakfast:  "Mama, you are the best chef ever."

After hearing somebody say something (anything about marriage): "Mama, I'm gonna marry you when I grow up!"

After seeing me in a dress for church, "Wow, mama, you look like a princess."

I mean, really, really?  Is he really supposed to say these sweet and charming things?  Is this why there are so many "mama's boys" in the world?  Heaven, please help us all.  I am clearly charmed.

And, I might add, his little brother is figuring out how to charm the world as we speak.  He's not super duper affectionate, but every once in a while he will kiss me for no reason and say, "I love you, mama."  Just when I'm basking in the moment, I'll say..."What, Reese?  Wait, repeat it...what did you say?" And, of course, he's leaves to jump off the couch.  He's also very quick to say, "Bless you, mama," whenever he hears me sneeze.  I know...wrapped around the finger...and spoiled rotten because I thought he was our last child...I take full responsibility.

My cup runneth over.

True Community...

On morning 3 of our trip, I woke up in tears.  After spending several days with these boys who were now men and listening to them and joking with them and watching them love each other and my husband, I was struck in my heart about Acts 2:42-47.  These young men had grown into a community of believers who took care of one another, met one another's needs, loved each other, held each other accountable, and supported one another.  It was the most authentic example of Christian community that I had ever witnessed.  They were so honest with one another (and with us).  They were so loving.  They were so selfless.  They were so gracious and thankful.

I am so thankful that God was merciful enough to let me experience what true Christian community can look like on earth.  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for opening my mind and filling my heart with your truth.  I think that oftentimes people believe real community is when people bring you meals after you've had a child or when people give you money when your house has been broken into...and while those things are important, prayer is neglected....prayer is an afterthought...reminding that person of God's unfailing love and His sovereingty takes a back seat to giving a bag of canned goods, when really, who God is in His character, is the only thing that helps us get through...it is the one thing that sustains us...and it is the one thing that is often an afterthought in community.

Trying to tell Cedric how much I love him (notice he's ignoring me)

These boys, I'm sorry I still think they are 15 years old, these men, who are now 20 and 21, have an understanding of love and community that is so ridiculously radical.  It has completely changed my way of looking at community and reignited a passion within me for believing that true, authentic community exists.

I am so proud of them.  As a mom of boys, they have shown me both the challenges and joys of helping shape boys into men.  Men who love Jesus.  Men who are independent.  Men who take care of business.  Men who are hardworkers.  They have inspired me.  God has opened my eyes to what can be because of these young men.

Truly, how great is the God we serve!

Christmas celebration....and Baltimore Part #1

Our Christmas this year was amazing.  Emmanuel is definitely at the age where he is putting together the Christmas story and he spend most of the month singing "Happy Birthday, Jesus."  It was a precious time.  We always start the season by cutting down a Christmas Tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  This year, we took some special friends along.

Jessica and her daughter, Jamiya.

Emmanuel loves this little girl.

We enjoyed a service at church on Christmas Eve, and we had a quiet celebration at home with our signature Christmas brunch after opening presents before heading to Sunday monday worship.

Emmanuel's gift was a huge firehouse/police station by KidKraft.  It's basically a dollhouse for all of those little boys who love rescue hereos.  He was absolutely thrilled and so appreciative.  He kept saying, "Thank you so much, mom and dad.  Thank you."  Reesie got some cars and a pretend play doctor kit.

Almost every Sunday the boys play the drums after church.

We headed over to my grandmother's house after naps and spent some time with the cousins and with my family, and the next day we spent some time with Eli's family in Chattanooga.  And then, what we had all been waiting for finally happened...we made our very first family trip to Baltimore.

Eli has been to Baltimore since our move several times...to close on our house and to attend several funerals.  I, however, had not been back.  One of my closest friends asked me if two and half years had been enough time to heal...was I still wounded...would it be too painful?  I honestly didn't know the answer to her question, but I knew that I had grown to love Baltimore.  It was the first city where I had my first real, post-college job.  I had my first apartment.  I finished grad school there.  We started my marriage there.  We rehabbed and bought our first house there.  I had my firstborn son there.  There were so many wonderful memories, and I was desperate to share those with my children.  Not to mention, there were several young men who are continually on my heart that I was dying to see.  I wasn't sure if two and half years was enough time, but I was confident that the joy would outweigh any amount of pain, and I was ready to experience that...

I was able to spend some much-needed time with my former boss, who is the Executive Director of HopeWell Cancer Support.  She singlehandedly shaped the way that I now view good, strong, positive leadership.  Not only is she one of the most intelligent women I've ever met, she is compassionate and loving AND tough.  She is beloved by her staff.  The Lord definitely used the staff at HopeWell to comfort me and teach me and grow me in so many ways.  I will be forever grateful to have had the opportunity to sit and learn from the best.

Our few days in town was also filled with spending time and talking with former board members of mine from FCA and visiting one of my closest friends, who had a baby on Christmas Eve.  Emmanuel and Reese were re-acquainted with their Godbrothers, Ceddy, Mook, and Darnell.  We got to reconnect with old friends who had moved back to Baltimore after a stint in the great state of North Carolina.  And, we got to hug another one of our favorite young men before he left to enlist in the Army and say goodbye to two special sisters before they moved away from Charm City.  We also got to eat at some pretty special local places in Baltimore and eating and sharing good food is always something that brings me joy! 

These sweet boys (I mean, young men)

One of my best friends in the world and her brand new baby!

Emmanuel with the Chanel and Brittany

Tavon reading to Emmanuel.

Zoe and Daniel...no longer babies, they are big kiddos!

Reese LOVED Won-Jung...I don't blame him!

Jamie's daddy with Hannah...he really resembles my dad, and my dad was also amazing with babies...so this was a special moment for me.

Hannah's eyes open--4 days old.

Emmanuel and Reese made new friends with Ms. Lucy's grandkids.

Ready to get on the road to head to back to the Ville...Emmanuel didn't want to leave Ms. Lucy's house.

Stay tuned for what the Lord did in my heart while we were visiting...